This Ain't Your Daddy's MiiiiiiiiiiiCHIGAN!

As a long life fanatic of the Maize (not yellow goddamnit!) and Blue, it pains me deeply to see what's happening to the winningest and most prestigious (in my mind) program in college football history. Recent struggles in bowl games, home loses to Division 1-AA Appalachian State and Utah, the departure of former coach Lloyd Carr coupled with a disastrous beginning to the Rich Rodriguez Era and 5 straight "L's" to the Buckeye Boys has left The Big House with a plethora of vacancies.

As I lie awake the other night dreaming of Charles Woodson interceptions, Desmond Howard long bombs and bone-crushing hits by Larry Foote and LaMarr Woodley, I had the strangest premonition.....why not let a former back-up point guard from Duke solve our problems! Hey, I bet he at least had a better high school GPA than half the current UM squad!

I regained my bearings and quickly smacked myself across the face and ran to the nearest TV. Oh please tell me this isn't true!!

On to ESPN I flipped (gotta love the 10PM Pacific Time Live SportsCenter!), no worries I thought, the late great Bo Schembechler would never allow this to happen!

And then from the mouth of Neil Everett it came, "Michigan to give former Duke guard Greg Paulus a shot at quarterback. Paulus starred at Christian Brothers Academy in........(I turned the TV off as I couldn't stomach the rest)."

Oh Christ! Hail to the fucking Victors, what have I done!

I stumbled back to bed, hands gripping my beloved Michigan pillow, hearing nothing but laughter reigning down from the dorm rooms of East Lansing, Happy Valley, Champagne and of course, dreaded, despicable, despised Columbus, Ohio.

What has happened to my Boys from the Big Ten with their I-formation, smash-mouth running attack, their physically bruising Pro-style offense, their yearly trip to Pasadena and The Granddaddy of them All, their mighty Midwestern identity, their litany of first-round NFL draft picks ready to carry on what they've learned on crisp Ann Arbor Saturday's to big pay days on Sunday's???

It's all vanished like a fart in the wind! Replaced with a finesse, high-school like, vanilla-flavored spread offense littered with bubble screens and dink and dunk 5-yard passes, a system better fit for the warm rays of the Pac-10.

Like any true fan, however, I hope and pray this experiment works out.......after all Michigan's current offense closely resembles the often frenetic pace of a basketball game so maybe it'll all work out. I will remain skeptical though, reports were that Duke football didn't even want Paulus and we all know what a juggernaut those Blue Devil gridiron greats are!

So I've resigned myself take it all in stride, eager as always to flip on ABC on a late October afternoon to watch my Maize and Blue arrogantly blast through the M-Club banner complete with their famed, eye-piercing winged helmets to the roars of the 110,000+ Big House faithful.

And there I'll be on the couch, Braylon Edwards #1 jersey on my back, fresh batch of onion-dip and pretzels on the table, cold Sam Adams Oktoberfest in hand singing the greatest fight song college football has ever known....albeit with a new final verse.....

Hail to the Victors, valiant!
Hail to the conquering heros, Hail, Hail to Michigan, the champions and the bessssssssssst!
Hail to the Victors, valiant!
Hail to the conquering heros, Hail, Hail to Michigan, the champions of the SAT test!

GO BLUE!