Mike and Mike Reach an All-Time Low

"Hey Big Guy, how many donuts did you eat last night?"

"Funny Greeny, did you enjoy your nail appointment?"

This morning, I reached the point where I'm once and for all exhausted of conversation like the above from the ESPN early show duo of Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic.

Their boring, lame and far too scripted comedy routine reached the depths of despair today as Golic was forced to have his arms and legs waxed for one hour straight after losing to Greeny in their annual college hoops bracket wager. Previous debts included an eating contest, an in-studio cow milking and eyebrow shaving.

Quite simply these guys lack what all true sportsfans, and Americans for that matter, crave...controversy! Shaq-Kobe, T.O.-Donovan, ARod-Jeter, Rhianna-Chris Brown, Justin-Britney...these characters and the events surrounding them are inseparable. And like it or not, this is what this country thrives on.

"The M & M Boys" are ESPN's perfect Yes Men, never a hair out of place, never a stir of the pot, never a hardball question for an athlete...Golic plays the fat, dumb ex-jock while Greeny, the unathletic, wimpy, muscle-less everyman, is ready with one corny joke after another about how his wife is more brave than he is...they might as well be auditioning for leading roles in theThe Wrestler II.

Now truth be told, there's not much else on worth listening to at that time of the day so I may still find myself tuning the dial to 1050 to find out if Greeny is still afraid of Mike Ditka's shadow and what low fat Nutrisystem dinner Golic had last night, but it won't be before I check out what WFAN's morning team has cooking. At least New Ro-product Craig Carton can spark a heated debate and Long Island native Boomer Esiason always gives a great perspective of what it's like to play in The Big Apple.

For my ears though, the choice is to follow The Herd, that'd be Colin Cowherd's Show from 10:00AM - 2:00PM. Colin's program is broadcast on the west coast so you can stream his entire show through your computer, or listen in the tristate area on your car radio dial from noon to 2:00PM.

Here's a guy who gets it. Controversy, debate, 95 mph heaters aimed at his guest's melons. Whether you like him or hate him, you'll keep listening and that's just the point. A day after this year's Masters, he wasn't talking about Angel Cabrera and Kenny Perry, he discussed Tiger and Phil's battle because that's what we care about. He talks Yankees, Lakers, Cowboys, SEC college football, his guests are informative and intelligent, he likens what happens on the field to real life...that sharp-dressed, BMW-driving, Columbia-graduated Vice President is flat better than your sorry cubicle-sitting ass, just like Peyton Manning is flat better than Alex Smith. And you know why? Not luck dumbass, it's because Peyton and the VP worked harder and are more talented than Alex and friends!

So if you're the kind of the guy that wants dodgeball outlawed in gym class or wants everyone in the sand box to play nice, Greenberg and Golic are your guys, but if you want someone who knows the best way to win the game is to take out the fat kid, a man that's gonna take a piss in your sand castle toy and use your shovel to bury the dump he just took, catch a ride with The Herd!