Social Suicide

Breaking news out of Oneonta, NY!!

It has come to my attention that some how my mother sent an unbelievable hysterical email concerning my sister to the whole student body, faculty, staff and random facility workers! More on this in just a few paragraphs...

Early Sunday morning my sister (who we will call "Lauren") arose from a deep slumber to take a tinkle, she crept out of her dorm room and quietly tip-toed down the hallway towards the bathroom. To her astonishment she felt like she wasn't walking the straightest of lines, instead she felt quite dizzy. After what must have felt like hours, my sister now arose from the hallway floor with the feeling of "where am I and what just happened?"

She now aggressively stomped back down the hallway and flung the dorm room door open simultaneously scaring her roommate out of her High School Musical 3 feet pajamas, (for social suicide purposes we'll call her roommate "Paige"). "Paige" immediately asks, "Lauren", "uhhh wtf mate, are you f'n crazy waking me up like this! (In a British accent because "Paige" is from Liverpool, where coincidentally so are/were The Beatles). "Lauren proceeds to say, uhhh "Paige" I don't feel to well, I think I may have bumped my head!"

"Paige" quickly replies, "I have bumped me head, shit Lauren you did a little more than that, your f'n bleeding all over the place!" Thankfully "Paige" in just here second year is studying nursing at this prestigious school on top of the hill. "Paige" then yells out "Medic, I think this girl is fucked". Then without haste bandages "Lauren" up like a midget mummy and explains try and sleep and if its worse in the morning we'll go to the hospital. I guess concussions is next week's topic.

In the morning "Lauren's" cut was just as bad so the lot of them proceeded to the local hillbilly hospital where the secretary gave my sister her stitches, (because why wouldn't she wait for a plastic surgeon, she's only an aspiring day time soap actress, yeah all those girls have the Joker's scars!!!)...Sorry protective brother.

So blah blah, "Lauren" gets stitches...

Now its Tuesday, and the weekly email that gets sent out to the master distribution list about health updates is sent. At this particular school this type of email also gets sent to the parents of all the students.

Now my mother, who is the most tech savvy person out there reads this and figures shes got something to add.

I don't know how, or why this feature exists on this type of email but my very loving and concerned mother hits "Reply All"

This email which I can mostly likely bet my Wayne Gretzky farewell to the game figurine (that stares at me every day and says, You can be great to one day Matt) that she probably wrote this email in all caps, with maybe a few dozen run on sentences and abbreviations.

Well this email now gets returned to at least all the faculty, staff and administrators who now have been emailing my sister, calling her dorm and cellphones, writing get well soon cards and leaving them in her mailbox, announcing it in their classes to everyone so they can keep an eye on the girl who randomly passes out, and coming up to her asking them if she is OK!

Can this be any more hilarious, but shitty for her any more. Talk about a girl who is probably the shyest girl around too. I won't be surprised if she returns to her dorm and the football team is nailing mattresses to the floors and walls, or bubble wrapping the bathroom with a few inner tubes and bumpers!

Hey at least she has the sense of humor to call me up laughing about it!

Love you Mom!